One thing that has been different for me this semester is my discipline in praying and reading the Bible. Last year I read the Bible and prayed a lot more than I have this past semester. I’m not really sure an exact reason why, but I do know that it is a reason that this semester has been so challenging. One of my students always asks the same thing, “how do I have more faith?” which my answer has always been pray and read the Bible, but I think this semester has been a testimony to myself of how true that is. It makes sense, but I realize more the power of prayer and the Bible when I am in a weird, unexplainable “funk,” for lack of a better word. The indescribable power it has to just make things ok. Maybe not immediately or in the way we want or expect, but it does change things. It changes my mindset, and that’s what I usually need more than anything, a change of focus and mindset. It reminds me of the verse in Colossians. Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” (ESV) I mean, I know it sounds stupid because it makes sense, but for me it is very difficult to set and keep set, my mind on things above. I get distracted so easily and let Satan attack me in every way. I heard someone say once, “If Satan can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.” I completely agree that Satan does this. There are so many things happening here, good things, but we are very busy. It’s so easy to forget/not make time, to fill myself up with truth.
So on the topic of Satan’s attacks, one question that I have really thought about a lot is where does guilt come from? The kind of guilt I am talking about is the sense that I am not doing enough or good enough. It’s so crazy to think about the different sides to things. In one sense, I can see this kind of feeling of “guilt” being from God, meaning that God wants me to wake up and realize what life is about and what He wants me to be doing. He wants me to read His word in a serious way. Not just reading but DOING what it says. Then there is the flip side to this. I think this feeling can also be from Satan. An attack to get us discouraged and down. Down to the point that we are no longer living in the grace and love that God is. I haven’t totally come to any conclusion on this question, but it is definitely something I have struggled with this semester. And because of this question in my head, I have really been challenged in questioning my own faith and why do I really follow Jesus.
The new Avanti workers who arrived this semester went to language school with a guy from Boston. They explained to him what we do here and a little of what we believe. His response to Christianity was very interesting to me. He didn’t criticize what we believe or try to say the Bible isn’t true or there isn’t a God. He didn’t use the argument that Christians are hypocritical, but he said that he didn’t follow Christianity because he felt like people just followed out of guilt. I don’t know why but I had never heard that reasoning before but it really got me thinking. Not only do I ask why I follow/believe, but also, how am I living? Am I living in a constant sense of guilt and constant feeling of needing to work and do more to “earn” salvation or do I do it because I LOVE God? DO I live my life basking in God’s goodness and the truth that God is love?? I think my life would look differently if I woke up every morning, deciding everyday that God is good and He is enough. His mercies are new every morning. What a beautiful picture of God, OUR God and the one who saved us. I have come to love Galatians 2:21. “I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!” (NIV). I have seen that a lot here among students. Following/believing in Jesus here, in general, doesn’t mean a relationship. It’s not about God’s love and a relationship with Him. It’s seems to be more about guilt, tradition, etc, rather than a celebration of God’s goodness and grace. It’s something that I found to be so odd when I first came here, and now have recently realized that maybe I have subconsciously been living with the same thought.
All this questioning and struggling that has been going on in my head has lead to some interesting talks with my students. I was reading James with a student the other day and it was talking about grace and works. She asked what I thought grace was. What is grace? We looked up definitions of grace and one that stuck out was, “the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.” I would not normally associate grace with power or strength, but I love this definition. Living in God’s grace gives strength.
So all these different things all come together and are connected, not by coincidence. As I look back on the past few months I see God teaching several different things. One, I cannot ever do enough. Two, He doesn’t want me to do “enough” because then Christ sacrifice was pointless. It wasn’t the plan. Three, God is good. Bask in God’s goodness and love. Truly believe God is gracious and God actually loves me and wants good. I don’t have to live in guilt. I shouldn’t live in guilt. Live in grace. Live in love. Really when I think about it, the people who have had the impact on me, or on the world, are the people who loved.
This summer has been good so far. We did a VBS a few weeks ago for the church in Florence. The theme was “running the race” and was based on Hebrews 12:1-2. We did a lot of different games and an obstacle course to represent different parts of the verses. It went really well! We also traveled to Sicily to do a VBS with the church there. I love going to this church. It feels so comfortable, like a family.
We have started the work month here at the school and are redoing our patio area and our living room. We have some people that are coming from the different churches around Italy, which has been really great. One of the parents mentioned wanting her daughter to come just to give her a chance to spend time with other Christians her age.
My students are going well. We have stopped having official lessons for the summer, but I still meet with them when we can. We are continuing our Monday night Bible study here at the school which has been really great. It has grown so much since my first semester here.
As you may already know, this September I will have been in Italy for two years, which fulfills my commitment. I had originally planned on coming home in September, however, I have been asked to stay longer and because of the loyalty of all my supporters I will have enough funds by the end of August to carry me until December, so I will be able to stay. I am so thankful to have this opportunity, especially after this past semester. I definitely want more time to work with the students here. So “Thank You” to everyone who has been such a great support to me. Your generosity means so much.
Vacation Bible School....
Other activities...
Church Retreat...
Park Day with the church in Prato....
Lock-in at the church...
VBS in Sicily...
My host family....
